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Drink it fast or drink it slow, your lips must touch the toe – Recited before entry into the club
I carry only a few things in my wallet: a credit card, my drivers license and some of my frequent flyer cards. There is one other thing I carry with me. Something that I’m extremely proud of and which puts me in an elite group of people, so small that less than 0.0005% of the world’s population can claim membership.
That thing is my laminated membership card in the Sour Toe Cocktail Club.
To give you an idea how exclusive membership in this club is, here is a list of people who are NOT members:
- President Barack Obama
- Pope Benedict XVI
- Bill Gates
- Queen Elizabeth II
- Aaron Rodgers
- Nelson Mandela
- The Dalai Lama
The list goes on and on…
Membership in this august, elite fraternity is not for everyone. Many hear the call, but few can pass the rigors which membership demands.
For those who wish membership, this is what you must do:
Second, you must enter the gates of the Downtown Hotel. Upon entering the establishment, you must have $5 in Canadian currency. You must order a cocktail with thy money.
Third, upon serving of the beverage, a severed human toe will placed in the drink.
Finally, you must consume the drink with the toe touching your lips.
Since my admission into the club, I’ve proudly shown my card to many people. I’ve gotten many of the same questions:
Q: Where did they get the toe from?
A: There have been 8 toes in the history of the club. The history of each toe is outlined here. They have been donated by people over the years.
Q: Isn’t that unsanitary?
A: The toe is stored in salt and when it isn’t in salt it is in alcohol. It is probably one of the least bacteria ridden things you’ll ever let touch your lips.
Q: That’s disgusting!
A: That is not a question
One day if you should venture so far north, perhaps you too can join this elite body. On that day, we shall become brothers and sisters in the Sour Toe Cocktail Club!