I woke up this morning to a shocking email. I have been notified by the UK Border Agency that I have been indefinitely banned from entering the UK. Evidently, someone in the British government has been following me online and reported me to the authorities.
Here is a copy of the email I received.
April 1, 2012
UK Border Agency
40 Wellesley Road
Croydon, Surrey CR9 2BY
0870 606 7766
cc David St. Hubbins
Dear Mr. Arndt,
Among the many responsibilities of the Border Agency is to
protect the crown and citizens of the United Kingdom from
radical outside influences which may destabilize or
influence our country in a negative manner. In my duty as
legal affairs director, I take this mission seriously.
For this reason I am notifying you that your privileges
of travel to the United Kingdom are indefinitely revoked.
Our research has confirmed a history of anti-British
language on your blog as well as on other internet and
social media websites.
These infractions inclue:
* Negative references to Her Majesty The Queen regarding
her corgi dogs.
* Slanderous references to the appearance of His Royal
Highness the Prince of Wales and comparisons to a horse.
* Derogatory use of the term "spotted dick".
* Repeated Foursquare check-ins at the Cockfoster
Underground station in London.
* Repeated use of the phrases "hawt" and "I'd tap that" in
reference to Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge.
* Improper use of the word "fanny".
* Egregious and improper use of the word "awesome" while
on British soil.
If you wish to appeal this decision, you may plead your case in
person at the Border Agency office in London between 9am and 5pm
We expect your cooperation in the matter and that you will keep
this letter confidential.
This is total bullshit! I think this is just them getting revenge for the US banning 2 British citizens earlier this year.
If there are any British immigration lawyers who might be reading this please contact me immediately! I still have about £5 on my Oyster card and over £10 in loose change that I would hate to have to go to waste.