I’ve Been Banned From Entering the UK!!

I woke up this morning to a shocking email. I have been notified by the UK Border Agency that I have been indefinitely banned from entering the UK. Evidently, someone in the British government has been following me online and reported me to the authorities.

Here is a copy of the email I received.

=======================================================
April 1, 2012

Nigel Tufnel
Legal Affairs
UK Border Agency
Lunar House
40 Wellesley Road
Croydon, Surrey CR9 2BY
0870 606 7766

cc David St. Hubbins

Dear Mr. Arndt,

Among the many responsibilities of the Border Agency is to
protect the crown and citizens of the United Kingdom from
radical outside influences which may destabilize or
influence our country in a negative manner. In my duty as
legal affairs director, I take this mission seriously.

For this reason I am notifying you that your privileges
of travel to the United Kingdom are indefinitely revoked.
Our research has confirmed a history of anti-British
language on your blog as well as on other internet and
social media websites.

These infractions inclue:

* Negative references to Her Majesty The Queen regarding
her corgi dogs.
* Slanderous references to the appearance of His Royal
Highness the Prince of Wales and comparisons to a horse.
* Derogatory use of the term "spotted dick".
* Repeated Foursquare check-ins at the Cockfoster
Underground station in London.
* Repeated use of the phrases "hawt" and "I'd tap that" in
reference to Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge.
* Improper use of the word "fanny".
* Egregious and improper use of the word "awesome" while
on British soil.

If you wish to appeal this decision, you may plead your case in
person at the Border Agency office in London between 9am and 5pm
weekdays.

We expect your cooperation in the matter and that you will keep
this letter confidential.

Sincerely,
Nigel Tufnel
=======================================================

This is total bullshit! I think this is just them getting revenge for the US banning 2 British citizens earlier this year.

If there are any British immigration lawyers who might be reading this please contact me immediately! I still have about £5 on my Oyster card and over £10 in loose change that I would hate to have go to waste.

  • 39 Comments... What's your take?

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Comments

  1. Tanned says:

    wow! That’s too bad! i hope it should be alright for you soon!

  2. Oooh…you’re in trouble! No more beans and toast for you. Although, I’m sorta fond of an English breakfast. Good thing you’re just joshin’. ;)

  3. Cris says:

    I was ready to be outraged Gary, but after reading the “royal highness similarity to a horse” I knew the jig was up LOL! However it doesn’t make it an untrue statement ;-)

  4. Wrabbit007 says:

    This is priceless! Wish I’d thought to write a post like this – super funny. I laughed out loud when I read “Repeated use of the phrases “hawt” and “I’d tap that” in reference to Catherine the Duchess of Cambridge.” Ahhh *wiping tears of mirth from eyes* – good one.
    downthewrabbithole.blogspot.com

  5. saç kaynak says:

    oww it look like a joke!

  6. Joan says:

    You had me for half a second… then I remembered the date… Good one! But your best April fools was the year you got married!!!

  7. Melsa says:

    Brilliant!! Almost had me there, was getting all indignent

  8. Tash says:

    A ha ha ha, this is great! I was outraged….up until Cockfosters….a ha ha ha!

  9. I didn’t get to your posting yesterday but, recalling last year, I figured you would have a great April Fool’s Day message – and so you did. I can’t even imagine who or what you will skewer next year.

  10. I must say: a well played April Fools Day prank… Funny and witty.

  11. Jipp says:

    Jeez. You really got me.

  12. Dave and Deb says:

    Good one Gary! I wondered what you might come up with this year. Always fun on April Fool’s;)

  13. Joe Wong says:

    I got fooled at first when I read it at your Facebook timeline. Almost forgot what day it was today……good one…

  14. Hahahaha…this is super funny!

  15. Gaelyn says:

    Great April Fools!

  16. Too funny. If the Canadian government reads our blog, we might not be allowed back in Canaduh!

    Hmm. Just calling it Canaduh might be enough to set them off…

  17. ellen says:

    Don’t know what this “spotted dick” is you have been accused of referring to. (I am probably banned as well now for ending a sentence with a preposition.) But the implications of such a term do seem nefarious.

  18. Victoria says:

    Haha love reading the comments, you clearly had some people fooled!

  19. It is supposed to be confidential… You don’t help your case really!

    Joke aside, this is ridiculous, particularly in a democratic country were free speach should prevail.

  20. Aruba says:

    such a bad thing to happen..hope this will be lifted and that you can travel again to UK..good luck Gary!

  21. Pat says:

    These names sure do sound familiar… *cough* Spinal Tap.

    :)

  22. Loved it! But be careful, talk like that can get you banned in the US, after the next election. (Depending on the winner, of course) Uh oh, now maybe I’ll be banned too!

  23. Absolutely love it – first class!!! :-)

  24. That is hilarious and a great April Fool’s Day joke!
    I have pictures in the London Underground pointing to Cockfosters Station. Every time I go back I always crack up when I see it on the signs.

  25. Wendy says:

    LOL! Well done!

  26. Kristen says:

    hehehehe fanny :p You had be going for more than half of that post. You win! April Fools.

  27. ailsapm says:

    That’s awful. Today of all days….

  28. Caz says:

    Too funny.

    Soon as I started to read the letter, I knew you were punking your readership. ;-)

    If the charges outlined were legit – 3/4 of the British population would be banned from their own Isle! LOL

    Happy April Fool’s Day…

    C.

  29. Raze says:

    I only realized this was rubbish when I got to point three and Cockfosters was spelled wrong.

  30. tom says:

    April fool’s?

  31. Aaron says:

    April Fools, but had me at first.

  32. Corey T says:

    Good thing you know how to “sneak in” via Northern Ireland… the Queen doesn’t even know that route exists.

  33. Jan says:

    I guess if you mess with the Queens dogs, this is what you get! Lol. Hope you get it straightened out.

  34. MasJ says:

    Oh my god! This is totally awful! I mean in this day and age to do something like this is absolutely ridiculous!

    Is there no way that you can appeal this injustice ? If you were to write to them immediately (today) – I’m sure they would take quick action!

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About Gary Arndt

My name is Gary Arndt. In March 2007 I set out to travel around the world...
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